All The Petty Girls…
I am undeniably and proudly petty. My pettiness is at the core of my character. My personality has been honed by the grudges that I hold. I love my grudges. They are some of the few things in this world that are truly mine and mine alone. And they are forever.
I don’t want to be the bigger person in some scenarios. Wrong me, slight me, dismiss me, and the act is on my list. The list is an organic creature living, breathing, and growing in my head. I don’t buy into this “turn the other cheek” or “forgive and forget” bullshit. If that’s your thing, more power to you. But I also think you’re probably full of shit or over/undermedicated.
Now being on my list doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re not friends. There are some wrongs you can do, and I’ll still consider you a friend, but I will remember what you did, and it will colour our relationship going forward. For example – intentionally not inviting me to Friendsgiving when almost everyone in our social group is invited and then telling me every detail of the night’s event. ✅ On the list.
You don’t have to be alive to be on the list either. My sister Parrish is there permanently for breaking into my bedroom (despite multiple locks to keep her out), stealing my white dress, and tie-dying it in 1987. ✅ On the list. I’m not giving her grace 39 years later just because she’s dead. My father, who was by his own choice nothing more than a sperm donor in the end, I still have on my bucket list dancing a jig on his grave. And while I can’t take credit for him dying of the same disease that killed my sister, I do feel like there was a little divine justice meted out, but that doesn’t get the fucker off the list. Jigs will be danced.
I have so many old grudges from my formative years. Like in 4th grade when Denise, my nemesis, kicked me and put footprints on my green Ditto pants. ✅ On the list. Or in 6th grade when I was the first girl in school to wear a bra, and Betsy shouted in front of the whole school, “Surly’s wearing an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder!” ✅ On the list.
Being included, wanted, liked, loved, or desired are fundamental human wants. They are at the core of our identities. People fantasize about being popular and want to be celebrities in part for the adoration. It is powerful. It fuels us, and the desire to have it can drive us to distraction or even violence. The entire Incel/White Male Loneliness epidemic was born out of this. But that’s a whole other post.
There is one event from my elementary school days that has not only lived on the list for 50 years, it has also now become an actual part of me. I’ll explain, shall I? There was a group formed, albeit briefly, thanks to my mother intervening, that included most of the girls in my class – except me. It was called The Rainbow Club. The blatant exclusion left an indelible but invisible mark on me. As my 60th birthday approaches, I decided to make that mark visible. I had a rainbow tattooed on my forearm as a permanent reminder that I am petty as fuck, and happy to be so.
And if you are petty like me, you are welcome to join my Rainbow Club. You and your grudges are cordially invited. 🌈
