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Call Me Dr. Love

April 30, 2009

On the local news this morning, which I was watching while having my daily jolt of Joe, there was a short piece on the foods that can enhance your sex life.  Since I’m a foodie and will use any excuse to eat more and have more sex, I was eagerly attentive.

The anchor begins interviewing a Dr. Ava Cadell from Loveology University. The interview is pretty lackluster, and the list of foods, pretty generic, except for the new tip of eating pumpkin pie.  Which, as the local anchor points out, is usually the culmination of Thanksgiving, afterward all anyone wants to do is sleep or stick their fingers down their throat to relieve the bloating.  Sex is the last thing that happens after a heavy meal and a family feud.

However, my mind has already moved on from orgiastic feeding frenzies, and I’m at the computer looking up Dr. Ava, a former actress whose film credits include History of The World: Part 1 and her Loveology University.  I am immediately reminded of the 1973 classic film The Harrad Experiment staring a young Don Johnson and Tippi Hedrin. But no, this is so much better. 

The home page for the website is so chocked full of options, that I don’t know where to turn first.  Am I the serious student looking for a career in Loveology?  If so, there are certification courses on offer.  I’m a junkie for degrees and certificates – I have a bachelors, a masters, and am a certified TEFL instructor.  Do I now want to be a Certified Loveologist, a Certified Sexpert, or a Certified Romantic? Oh, to be forced to choose!

Perhaps I’m not totally ready, particularly in this economy, for the $1995 and the months of study of text and pornographic videos that it will require to get certified.  (Not to mention I’m not totally clear on what I have to do to prove to the board of examiners that I’m worthy of this certification).  But not to fear, there are other, more cost effective learning opportunities for me.  For $49.95 I can take a short term course and get certified in Aphrodisiacs, Intimacy, Pleasing a Man, and Pleasing a Woman.  Heck, I can get certified in group sex!

Or, if I’m looking to get a little quick video learning in before my husband gets home, for $19.95 I can take a quickie video course in fellatio.  On this count I’m good because I’ve already had a hands on seminar on this very subject before we got married, but a refresher course never hurt anyone.  There are also video course options for The Fine Art of Cunnilingus, Sexual Massage, and the The Amazing G-Spot and Female Ejaculation.

For those of you looking for a little higher education I suggest you peruse the Loveology University Course Catalog.

Here’s a few tips from some graduates!

Can I just say, God bless the internet?

Love U!

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