I Found Out About Feminine Odour The Hard Way

Um. Yeah. Okay. This is awkward. This morning Dave and I are watching the Today show and this advert for Vagisil Wash comes on and the woman says “I found out about feminine odor the hard way.” Dave looks at me, with a mouthful of toaster waffle and syrup, and says “I just threw up in my mouth a little. This is not breakfast television.” You can say that again.

When I was a teenager it was drop dead embarrassing to be watching M*A*S*H with my grandfather only to have to sit through an awkward deafening silence while the latest Tampax or Summer’s Eve advert ran. But these were ads of innocence. A woman dressed in white on a white horse riding along the beach, or a woman walking through a field while a soothing voice talked about feeling fresh.  While it was embarrassing none of the commercials actually came out and said what these products were really used for.  The Madmen of the day took into consideration that feminine odour and the menstrual cycle were not fodder for dinner conversation in the average American home.

But gone now are those days of innocence and horses. No, today, we get to sit through commercials that talk about itch, odor, and infection in uncomfortable detail. I mean seriously, why do I have to imagine the situation the poor girl found herself in when she suddenly realized that her crotch smelled funky.  Why does my husband? He started in with a whole bunch of questions after we watched the advert. Was she alone? Was she in the middle of a date? Did someone look in her general direction and shout “Who has the stinky twat in here?” This is now what passes for polite conversation at the breakfast table.  At least at Chez Surly it does.

I’m all for truth in advertising, really I am, but I’m also for having my morning coffee without wondering if that subtle itch is really the beginning of a nasty yeast infection and what colour the Vagisil wand of enlightenment will turn.

Gah. Being a woman is never pretty, no matter what they say or how much perfume you pour on your nethers.