Holy Mother of Grilled Cheese!
So the other day my friend Annie pointed out to me that Mr. Fancy Food Pants Francis Lam (Lam Chop to moi) was trying to be all cool with his little competition for Grilled Cheese recipes. At first I was all “Whatever with that.” Franny Fancy Pants, who was too good to participate in my Vintage Recipe Card Showdown, is playing hip kid and is pretending he likes processed cheese foods, but I know he’s faking it. If his cheese is not aged in a cave and full of mold, or melted on bread made by the arthritic hand of an aging blind monk, he’s so not going to eat it. But I’m a good sport, and a fan of cheese in all it’s processed glory, especially aerosol form, so I’ll play.
I’m a purist. No, I didn’t say I’m pure. Don’t be an idiot. I believe that all this fancifying of grilled cheese sandwiches that you see lately is just pure nonsense. Hipster chefs are adding it to their menus. Heck there’s even a Grilled Cheese Invitational. They are putting all kinds of fancy cheeses and meats in their sandwiches like you can actually improve upon the original recipe. You can’t. You want that fancy shit, go get a panini and get off my blog.
Most of us, unless your parents were vegan whackos or lactose intolerable, were fed traditional grilled cheese sandwiches as a kid. These were a staple of our diets and one of the original comfort foods. Today, they are my preferred meal when I’ve got a migraine or a hangover, and Dave excels at whipping them up for me.
Grilled Cheese Recipe
2 slices of bread, preferably unhealthy white bread with no nutritional value
A lot of butter
2 rubbery slices of American Cheese (I prefer Kraft Deli Deluxe myself)
Heat a large dollop of butter in a frying pan. Slather bread with butter and put one piece in the pan. Layer slices of processed cheese like goodness on bread and top with other slathered piece of white bread.
Cook, flipping to achieve a golden brown color on both pieces of bread and until cheese is nicely melted.
Because this is the food of the gods, it seems only appropriate that in my house, despite the fact that we’re heretics, my favourite pop-culture idol, the Virgin Mary regularly makes an appearance on my sandwiches.
We’re tight she and I. I have a shrine in my guest bathroom to her.
A Surly Girl's Guide to Life 
that looks frickin awesome.
That looks more like an octopus. Was the Virgin Mary really an Octopus? That may explain the whole “virgin giving birth” thing. Octopi use arms and protest signs for mating, I have heard. Mind you I heard it from a squid, and squids and Octopi have been feuding for decades.
But I’ll bet they’d all love your grilled cheese.