From The Realm Of Things I Don’t Understand: Sexy Sesame Street

Since we’ve already established I’m all good with sex, sexy, and sexually deviant, we’ll skip past the part where I clarify my street cred on the subject and that I’m all about the live and let live, and get to the heart of the matter.

A few weeks back my friend Yinzerella posted a link on Facebook to Yandy.com and their Sexy Hamburger Costume. I gotta admit my first reaction was “Why in THE HELL would anyone want to wear that?” My second thought was about the fact that there was going to be belly button lint in her lettuce. I know there’s a lot of equating to be done between food and sex. Anyone whose seen the whipped cream scene in the porn classic Busty Cops can tell you foodstuffs in sex cause arousal as well as yeast infections. But no one, other than Carl’s Jr. who keeps trying to put hot girl-on-girl action into their hamburger adverts finds anything sexy about two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun. Even when it comes in 38 DD.

But I’m not here to bitch about getting belly button lint in your teeth.

I totally get sexy Halloween costumes. I do. Trust me. I dressed like a hooker in 6th grade for Halloween. A nice French Maid’s costume? Sure. I get it. Sexy Vampire? Yeah, I read Ann Rice, I get all the eroticism in getting your blood sucked. Cat woman? Playboy Bunny? Even Sexy Shark. (Well OK. Not Really.)

But sexy Sesame Street? Say “WHAT?”. Apparently the fine folks at Children’s Television Workshop were a little perplexed too, mostly because I think they were stupified to see America’s first television gay couple portrayed by two sex kittens, as it appears that Yandy has been forced to pull the pictures promoting their sexy Sesame Street collection. But still. Who gets wood thinking about giving Big Bird an orgasm? Okay. Well I guess I can see where a few furries might have that fetish. Don’t get me started on that. Or the belly button lint you’d have from wearing one of those outfits.

At Chez Surly we’re purists about Halloween. We decorate the front yard with skeletons, a mummy in a coffin, and other traditional elements to make small children cower in terror and cry. I make sure to dress like the mean lady down the street that will cook you in her cauldron if you wander into her yard, and I suggest the parents x-ray the candy we just gave their sweet child. We prefer to scar the neighbourhood children for life socially, not sexually. They have high school for that.

Happy Halloween from the Surlys.