Straight Girl's Guide to Lesbian Weddings – Proposal #2

As I mentioned previously my younger sister Terese is engaged to her girlfriend Elizabeth and I’m lobbying for the key role of Wedding Planner. My first proposal wasn’t vetoed outright – Elizabeth seemed rather excited at the whole idea of hoopskirts and Kyle, my sister’s Maid of Honor, has been interviewing tailors about a custom tux with rainbow trim. However, to show my sister and her fiancé that I am as flexible as a professional, I’ve started working on a back-up plan.

For a number of years, and for reasons I can only hope aren’t genetic, my sister has been into Country Western music. On a handful of occasions I have tailed along to Country & Western bars to watch Terese and my youngest sister Helen Two Step around the dance floor and engage in Line Dancing (something I will go to my grave without ever having tried.) So, it seems a natural fit to have a Country & Western Wedding. I’m thinking more Urban Cowboy than Brokeback Mountain.

Venue

Unfortunately my family has recently sold the almond ranch in Central California, so a hoe down in the family barn is out. This may be a good thing as I think the last family feud started in the hayloft. However, I’m a girl who can think on her feet, and while I can’t fathom why my sister keeps turning her nose up at my suggestion that we hold the festivities at the club house at our mother’s mobile home park, I don’t see why she’d turn her nose up at holding it at Mom’s house. It is, after all, in all its manufactured glory, the homestead now. (Someday I will explain to y’all how the heiress wound up in the trailer park.) For eons Mom has been talking about adding a little studio space on to her place – so I’m thinkin’ we can kill two birds here by putting a barn style Tuff Shed in the driveway.

Mom gets her studio space, and we have a barn in the driveway for the wedding festivities. Toss in a couple bales of hay and we’ve got outdoor seating for the ceremony. I’m researching to see if any of those fast talking cattle auctioneers are also ordained ministers. No one likes to sit through a long drawn out wedding ceremony, particularly when they see all the fun I have in store for them.

Bridal Gowns

It’s tough enough when you need to pick out one wedding dress, and with some of these Lesbian weddings you need to pick out two! While my sister errs on the side of Tom Boy, I suspect I look more butch than she does and that once she gets a peek at my suggested dresses, she’ll be so into it we’ll be talking garters and hose in no time.

Elizabeth is a pretty and feminine little thing. Emphasis on little. If she were ever to act up, I could snap her in half just by giving her a dirty look. So it seems appropriate to select something frilly and girly for her wedding dress. Keeping in mind how her eyes lit up at the suggestion of hoopskirts here’s my recommendations:

(Who knew they made denim hoopskirt wedding dresses?!)

Now Terese isn’t quite the frills and lace kind of bride, but I am hoping I can steer her towards something fabulous and off the shoulder or a halter in denim, and even though I think she could pull off a bustle I suspect that would be pushing things a tad too far.

What you have to love about the whole Country and Western wedding attire is the fact that a bride can skip the whole tiara and veil in favor of a cowboy hat and veil! Mind you, hat hair will be a concern at the reception.

Mother of the Bride

My mother will inevitably be trying to upstage the brides in her wardrobe choice for the big day. She can’t help herself and we’re all quite used to it. My thought is that she should go for the Dale Evans look. Mind you, she will get out her Bedazzler and sparkle the suit up a bit, but this is definitely a good starting point.

Bridesmaids

As I’ve previously mentioned in my initial proposal. To reduce the amount of bickering, backstabbing and bloodshed an all-girl wedding is bound to produce, I’m backing my sister’s best friend Kyle for the position of Maid of Honor. Given that this is a lesbian wedding and not a drag show, I’m leaning towards putting Kyle in chaps and a matching vest.

However, this is a formal event, and I’m going to insist that he wear a shirt (and pants) underneath.

For the bridesmaids, I’m thinking we go for classic Square Dancing dresses! They are flirty, fun, and you can definitely find an opportunity to wear them again! (Not to mention they come in dozens of colors and I can still give a nod to my original rainbow theme by getting each girl a different color!)

Entertainment

Now since I’m proposing we hold the festivities in the mobile home park, I’m pretty sure we can get permission from the park manager to set-up the dance floor in the cul-de-sac. If we’re lucky, the minister might also be good at calling dances. If not, I’ll have to start hitting the local gay country western bars looking for an experienced DJ. For both country line and square dancing, you really need room to move and spread out. And since we’ll be taking over the street, I figure we should stay in theme and set-up a petting zoo and pony rides for the kids.

Food, Favors and Treats

I’m still working on menus and cake ideas – but I’m leaning towards a KFC buffet. Especially now that they have that grilled chicken for the folks with a yearning towards being healthy.

Meanwhile I’m thinking looking into bandana napkins (again available in a RAINBOW of colors)

Cowboy confetti, mini-cowboy hats, and mini-cowbells (we can ring these at the end of the ceremony!)

I’ll let y’all know how proposal #2 goes down with the girls.

Meanwhile you might wanna take a few lessons in country line dancing

Or brush up on those square dancing skills you learned in elementary school PE

Yee Haw!

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If you’d like to plan your own Country & Western wedding here’s some of the websites I found handy:
Sat’n Spurs
Hazel’s Rawhide Western Weddings
Brantley Western Supply