More Than Vajazzling, My Twat Needs Validation

This post is flat out NSFW – which means don’t fuckin’ look at it at work. Some of these links might just get your ass in all kinds of trouble.

Yeah. I can see the look of confusion on your face. Mixed with a small amount of curiosity and revulsion. Lookit! Surly’s talkin’ about her twat, again. Well sure. We’ve talked, more than one should, about decorating one’s nethers for entertainment purposes. But even I have lines, wiggly as they are, that I can’t jump across.

One of those is posting inartistic nude photographs of myself all over the internet. Frankly, at my age, no one needs to see me naked, not even Dave. A nice nude pic or a photo of my tits back in the day when they defied gravity is okay by me – heck I have a few that I probably wouldn’t mind sharing with you lot. I might even sext you if I were 24 again – provided you are hot. (We both know you’re not.) But I draw the line at a full-up close shot of my hoo-ha spread wide like only my gynecologist should see it. Apparently there are others who feel quite the opposite.

I’m pretty sure that the guy that wrote the photobook 199 Vaginas was probably the one trolling around The Well in the mid 90’s asking women to scan theirs and email him the pics for his collection. If not, then they were at least friends or subscribe to the same porn chat sites. I declined the invitation when extended. Even back then in the wild west days of the web I knew better than to share everything with strangers.

This morning my friend Emily, who searches the web for things to entertain me, found an article about a site called the Large Labia Project where, if you’re feeling bad about how ugly your twat is, you can send them a picture and they’ll praise it for you. No really. They will make you feel all warm and fuzzy about the fact that your twat hangs to your knees, has wrinkles, needs a shave, has warts, whatever. They are there, in all their feminist glory, to embrace your twat and all of its insecurities.

Okay. I’ll admit, even with all my degrees in psychology and years and vast experience, I have never met a single woman who told me her twat had low self-esteem. Not to knock your issues if you got ’em, but who sits around wondering if their twat is too big or too small? I can see if you’ve got issues because your clit is the size of a child’s penis and you’re wondering if you got the wrong genitalia and how much surgery costs. I’ve read Middlesex. I’m all kinds of enlightened. But I have yet to meet a hetero-man who would look at a STD free twat and scream “OMG! Get that thing away from me! It’s huge! I’m afraid!” I mean, unless it has teeth.

Apparently there is, officially, a blog for everything now.

And in case you were wondering…My twat is a lot like the Honey Badger. Yeah. Surly’s Twat don’t give a shit.