All I Want For Christmas Is A Vagi-Stool?

Dear Santa:

Hope this letter finds you well and that I’m not too late in submitting my wish list for this holiday season. I know Christmas is only a few days away, but there are still a few shopping days left, and I’m really hoping that you and the Elves might be able to hook me up with a Vagi-Stool this holiday season.

I know, you’re probably wondering what the hell a Vagi-Stool is, and really, who could blame you. I didn’t know what one was until last week when I discovered that I’m way behind the times in terms of my feminine hygiene practices. Here I was thinking that if I washed and dried my twat on a regular basis we were good to go. Apparently, it seems, I’m supposed to be steam cleaning it on a regular basis. I checked the Bissell website and they don’t seem to have a vaginal steamer in their product line, which seems like a missed opportunity to me. So, since I can’t get one in the small appliance section of the Best Buy, it seems I have to improvise.

I’ve done some research into the subject and it seems that if I get one of these fancy stools and hunker down over a bowl of boiling water mixed with herbs I’ll be set to steam clean my lady bits in no time. Although, I’m a little confused about the herbs part. The stuff I read says I should be using basil, oregano, and rosemary. Which makes me think that afterwards my twat is going to smell like leftovers from an Italian meal. I talked to Dave about this as I wanted to get his take on what flavours he’d like my pussy to taste like – but he got a little weirded out when I suggested things like butterscotch pudding and peppermint candy. According to him “pussy should taste like pussy.” Who knows, he may come around after trying the recommended lasagna flavoring.

I understand if this letter arrives too late and you’ve already picked out a monogrammed enema kit or a bunch of cute Vajazzling designs for me for this year. Really, I totally get it. Maybe Dave can build me one of out of plywood and PVC, he’s a clever bastard some times.

My best to Mrs. Claus and the Elves.

Wishing your a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,

Surly